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Conscious Communication: Part 1

couple communication skills

Conscious Communication: Part 1

Posted by Ellen Gregory LMFT in Anger, Becomming Conscious, Communication, Couples, Relationships 03 Dec 2009
One of the most common and challenging issues couples face is communication. Most couples coming to therapy have not yet figured out how to navigate troubles as a team, resolving conflict as it arises. The details may change (finances, parenting, infidelity, jealousy), but the way we speak to each other is the constant catalyst for arguments and fights that never seem to end.

When we fail to approach life’s struggles as a team, we can fall into the same repetitive arguments where our conflicts remain unsolved. We fight each other instead of working together to solve our problems. This article will highlight a few examples of healthy/ conscious starts to difficult conversations.

“I am so angry right now I feel like I can just explode. I need to talk about what happened but I’m afraid that if we talk about it now we will just end up in a fight, and I don’t want that to happen. I NEED to talk about this so you know why I am so upset. Let’s set up a time tomorrow when I have calmed down and I am able to listen to you.”

“I feel very alone in this relationship with you. It seems like you would rather be without me. It feels like I’m called when there are no other options for you. When you didn’t return my calls yesterday I was so angry. I couldn’t get any work done all day. I’m not going to ignore this anymore because I just wind up feeling worse each time it happens. I don’t know if this is really happening or if my expectations are too high, but I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I NEED to talk about what is happening between us and how we can make it better.”

These beginnings work because they include four important pieces:

  • I statements (give you ownership over your experience).
  • Emotional awareness and presence, in the moment.
  • Awareness of how our own behavior contributes to the recurring patterns.
  • The WANT to solve the current problem.